How To Find Out the Identity of Your Secret Admirer

List: Posted: 01/13/11

Finding out that you have a secret admirer can be an exhilarating experience.  However, it can also be frustrating - and even a little creepy - if you are not able to figure how who your admirer is.  Thankfully, there are several ways that you can go about learning more about your secret admirer and eventually finding out his or her true identity. So - brace yourself!


One of the best ways to identify your secret admirer is to compare the handwriting in a handwritten note to the handwriting of those you know.  Chances are good that your admirer is someone with whom you have contact on a regular basis, and you might have seen his or her handwriting before.  If you have a small office, a great trick is to have everyone sign a card for someone at the office. If nobody has a birthday this month, don't despair.  Say the card is for someone who's off sick, or an inspirational card to a team member who's been working particularly hard.  Ask them to all write a short message to the person.  When it's done, you'll have a full set of 'writing samples' to compare!


Another good way to identify your secret admirer is to enlist the help of your friends and coworkers.  Casually ask your friends if there has been anyone paying special interest to you or asking questions about you recently.  Usually, a secret admirer will go to your friends for more information, even if the questions are very casual.


In most instances, your secret admirer actually wants you to know his or her identity.  They'll leave some cleverly concealed clues for you to follow so that you can eventually locate and identify them.  If you are getting notes or flowers on your desk which are always left in a certain place, write a note back offering a time and place to meet for coffee. Make sure it's a public place and take a friend along to watch you secretly from another table if you feel nervous.


If you have been receiving anonymous email messages from your admirer, there is help here, too.  You can use your company email directory to track down the identity of the sender, or if they've sent it from a personal outside account, run a Google search on how to trace the IP address of the computer the email was sent from. There are online companies that can perform this service for you if you're not good with technology. Armed with just the source-code from their email address, you can then find out their home town or even their street address. You'll feel like a super-sleuth when you get the results!


Once you have done this, you can respond in kind, or tell him or her how you feel about the relationship.  If the answer is no, tell them immediately, and do it in person - this is the kindest thing to do.  If it's the boss - just say no, take it from us.  If you're interested, think very seriously about the long-term effects such a relationship may have on your career.  It might be tough to say no if it's someone you're had your eye on for a while, but tougher still will be working with that person and seeing them day in, day out, if the relationship ends or turns sour. 


In the end, follow your heart when it comes to dealing with your secret admirer - you'll know what to do.

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